We are all born with two instincts Fear and Hunger, coming onto the world from a warm, safe, dark place within the womb to bright and noisy and sometimes not the right time or place. A fear we have in many different formats for the whole of our lives, and we make choices to fall under it or rise through it and also learn along the way. Hunger can be for food, love, cuddles and be appreciated, to be supported and encouraged to grow and be true to ourselves but that can be a deep hunger for all the emotions in every aspect to be part of the growing years. They can be the building blocks for our future within our mind and body, what we show and what we keep hidden.
I do not know of my early years in fact until I was 17 months old when my birth mother chose e to leave, my sister was about six weeks old. It is not a new scenario as it happened then in 1951, and I am sure many times before and after and in other centuries. What if she had not made that choice, would she have gone onto have my half brothers and sisters who I met two years ago and love having them in my life?
My Father decided to allow his parents to bring us up, across the road, we were brought up in a big loving family and called them Mum and Dad. Not knowing if they had not been home that day, what decision would have been made by the adults for us?
Others around in our lives Parent? Grandparents? Aunts and Uncles even neighbours were making decisions and choices based on their upbringing and what they thought should happen to us. Moreover, even what story should be told to us when I asked many questions like why there were no photo’s of me as a baby but was of my younger sister.
Due to circumstances, I went to live with my Dad and Stepmum a lovely brilliant lady when I was 11 my sister followed a few months later. What if I had stayed where I was would I have had the private education I had and the knowledge and people I met and maybe where I am now because of it?
Recently this has come up in a conversation with my sister what if this or that had happened or not happened where do we think our life would be. Through this unconventional childhood, I can look back and still try to fathom out why and what if and it still brings a thought of Fear of not only what my life was and could have become. I am sure this is a subject that could be talked about in all families and could go on for a long time as things do not change no matter what the era.